Once we reached my house, I bolted from the vehicle, not bothering to look back at what sort of sad expression would be upon Bryan’s face. I had to be strong, for myself. Maybe I did overreact, maybe I was being a bit of a drama queen, but my high hopes had been crushed under the steel boots of reality, and I couldn’t handle that. Too many years I have waited for him, played the role of best friend while he bounced from girl to girl, never learning from his mistakes. I didn’t even wave out the window casually as he pulled away, tires squealing in the rain, like I usually did. Instead, I ran into my room and collapsed onto my bed, before rolling over and staring above me, as if heaven above could give me an answer. I started counting the cracks in the ceiling, and then imagining that it was my heart, and each crack was every time Bryan let me down. Somehow, no matter where my thoughts went, Bryan trailed along like a lost puppy. I needed a release; I was so tense and wound-up. I knew a phone call would be coming from Kayla soon about last night and I didn’t want any more drama until I had pumped some energy out of my system.

I pulled off my nicer clothes and changed into shorts and a cut-off t-shirt before heading downstairs. In the basement was a punching bag, hanging heavily as if one more pound of sand would cave in the room.  I bounced a little on the tips of my toes before attacking it, pounding my anger into the fabric, leaving indents behind of my knuckles. Tears and sweat combined together, until I couldn’t tell what perspiration was and what were the results of my intense emotions at that state. Suddenly, a soft voice came from behind me. “Alex, are you okay?” I turned around to face my younger sister. She was a few years younger than me, but we were extremely close. I never told her I was gay, not yet. How do you tell someone that looks up to you so much that you weren’t like most guys? I couldn’t say, “Ashley, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you probably will never have a sister-in-law, Dad will hate me and place all of his future on your shoulders and the image of me kissing another man is one you have to be comfortable with, because this is me.” I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. 

“Does it look like I’m okay?” I snapped, and then relaxed when I saw she was gingerly holding a pair of boxing gloves out for me. In my rage, I had forgotten to put them on and know my hands were bleeding. My cold tone didn’t push Ashley away. If there was one quality that Ashley had that I wish I owned, it was that she shrugged things off and never let things get to her. She didn’t freak out like I did. I think she was more of a guy than I was sometimes; it was more like I was playing the role of what was expected of a guy, when I really didn’t enjoy sports or video games as much as I probably should have.

“I’m sorry, I’m fine,” I said, and took the gloves from her hands as she looked at me knowingly.

“Ha! You expect me to believe that?” she said, plopping herself onto a bean bag nearby and turning on the t.v. to some MTV show I wasn’t familiar with. “Who broke your heart?”

I felt my breath catch in my throat. Lying to her was impossible; she knew me far too well. “Someone I thought had feelings for me, but turned out they didn’t.”

“Are you talking about Violet? Give me the name of the girl I’m going to have to beat up,” she said, half-jokingly. She was so protective of me. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way?

“It wasn’t a-“ I almost said girl, but changed it at the last second, “-big deal.” The phone rang upstairs and I ran to get it, reading the caller id. It was Kayla. My heart stopped beating for a moment.

“Hello?” I answered, taking the phone with me to my room.

“Alex, you will never believe what happened last night!” she gushed, and I almost sighed out loud at what was inevitable.

“Actually, Bryan and I already talked about it…” I tried to say as nonchalantly as I could.

“Oh.” She sounded disappointed that she couldn’t divulge me with details.

“Yeah, Kayla, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it? He doesn’t have a girlfriend, so I don’t see what the big deal is.” She was upset now, just as I predicted.

“He’s not into you. It was a mistake,” I said, hesitantly.

“You’re lying! You weren’t there when everything happened- when did he even tell you this? When you two left for that make-out session or whatever you two spent forever in the car doing? Smoking roofies?” she was livid, and I barely even had explained myself. Was she actually jealous of me? A beeping over took her words and I looked down to see a number I had been dreading; it was Bryan again.

“Look, Kayla, I’m really sorry, but you’re going to have to talk to Bryan about this yourself. I’m tired of being the one in the middle that has to deal with all your relationship problems, okay?”

I heard the clicking sound of her hanging up on me and hung up as well. I was still sweaty, laying on the carpet of my room, when the phone rang again. I picked it up, and a surprisingly gentle tone came over the line. “Come outside,” he said.

“No,” I protested, almost like a child, but I was being stubborn.

He exhaled and we sat in silence for a few seconds before I hastily agreed. I walked down the steps and into the foyer, then past the living room, straight to the door. I didn’t even care that I was drenched and smelly and in need of a shower. He didn’t seem to care either, because, as soon as I opened the door, Bryan pulled me by the hand and kissed me.